About

I’m Val, and I’m about to turn 40. Fucking 40. How the hell did that happen? It seems like yesterday that I was doing a bunch of stupid shit that, thankfully, was before the days of the cell phone, and complaining about being so fat at 135 pounds. Fuck. I wish I was that “fat” now.

You could say that this blog is my mid-life crisis, but as a mom of two kids under age 5, it’s more like much-needed me time. It’s also something of a vent-slash-therapy session with the interwebz, because I’m a mom of two kids under age 5.

Okay, so if we’re going to be friends, here’s what you need to know:

One: I will speak the truth, even if it’s fugly. Because I have never, ever read a blog post from a woman in my situation and thought “Damn, she’s nothing like me!”

Two: I will make fun of millennials and not apologize for it, because they are entitled little bitches and they deserve it.

Also: I’m going to cuss a lot, because my kids can’t fucking read yet.

Plus: I’m terrible at cooking and crafts and hate both of those things, so you’ll never find recipes or Pinterest ideas here. Fuck that. That’s why God invented take-out and Etsy.